I know when to be a hard-working, responsible person. I do have common sense. So if you come across me and see my resume and my diary: accept it. Because I am a woman who has a life, but who needs a job. Right now, I am doing an article on what students are doing to find jobs during the recession. But while I am doing that, I am reading at an open mic, terrified that no one will like me. I am writing about things that would make your eyes open as wide as the "O" hanging from your lips as you take in line by line. I am a person. I am everything. If I am not bringing my personal life in your professional environment, be happy that you have a good employee who will give it her all. Don't be scared when you find my website. I have to do something before I go to work the next day. I have to pave the way to a life I want to lead by putting it all out there. Trust me, I will never write about your place. I have a life beyond this job, the job I don't have right now, but will have some day.
And please, everyone: let me cry! My life is kind of sad. Things aren't okay at the moment. Let me cry. Let scream and rage. I live in a house where if I even sound annoyed, it's total disrespect. So if I get too angry at a situation that all I do is cry, and maybe scream a little, a lot, please let me. I can't keep it all in. Sometimes you have to let a person be angry and not tell them that it's wrong to get angry. We all get angry. But let me handle my space while you handle yours. We can reconvine when the time is right.
I know I am on a weird tangent and this is a very long intro to what I want to share. I do not usually share other people's blog post, but my god: this blew my mind away!
This was everything I was feeling about who I am, my life and the life I want to lead. The person I want to be, who can do this and it would be okay because she is alive. I saw this person for the first time in my life on Thursday. I recognized her name on Facebook which eventually lead me to her blog. I was reading through it and when I finished, it all clicked. This is how I need to be, to be okay because nothing is wrong with how I am feeling. I need my moment and NO ONE GIVES IT TO ME! I am "too emotional, too unreasonable, too pissed off". No I am not. No one lets me be all of that. Then it stays inside, in a bubble which should have been popped a long time ago and now has leaks. Read this and tell me, please tell me that this isn't the most honest and mind-blowing thing you have ever read: Excusing yourself from eye contact so that you can better hear.
I will blog again soon. I need to blog more. And I need to update the site.