Hello Write Queen Readers!
I want to say that life is the excuse for the break, but it isn't. Well, it's part of the reason, but it's something bigger. It's confidence. It's all about confidence.
See, I have this dream for myself. I want to be a writer who is about the writing life. Who travels all over, is known in writing circles, and who has torrid love affairs with books and men of her choosing. I want a brownstone in Brooklyn, a house in Long Island and several landing pads in various cities that I adore. I want a MFA in Poetry from the Columbia College of Chicago, to start a family, and to have a media center where I can help other artists realize their dreams.
Most of this is doable. But I lack confidence. I know I have the knowledge, a lot of ambition and a pinch of this thing called talent. And I am wasting it everyday I don't live the writing life. Why don't I live the writing life? Let me tell you.
I'm busy chasing after the wrong things. Like a stable job. Yes, we all need money, but everyday I try for a job that has yet to hire me, I am selling myself short. This job is not even in my field. But I have obligations that hold me back.
Like family. I love my family. Do anything for them. But right now, all I am doing is draining myself dry emotionally, physically, and financially while sweeping their bad habits under the rug. No one can fix something that the person with the problem does not want to fix themselves. The more I realize it, the more I know that I have to really break out on my own. In more way than one.
I also have boys on the brain. My relationship has been in a whirlwind that I needed to pause because it was going in the wrong direction. A separate situation has made me see all things that I still need to work on. Like having the balls to say what I want the way I do in my poems.
Which brings it all back to confidence. Last night, I spent time with my EAT Media team and I told them about having confidence in themselves. They are all great writers and artists. They have talents that need to be seen. But they either lack confidence, ambition, or practice. And I gave them a talking to that a leader should have when she sees that her team is shying away from challenge.
It was a rush. Seeing everyone put everything out on the table and listening to each other...it was one hell of a rush.
I put myself on the chopping block too and my problem is being shy with everything I have. Or in other words, not having confidence.
I need to practice what I preach. I got the total package for the writing world and for the rest of life. Now I just need to be confident and push forward because the lack of confidence stops my progress. And I want my brownstone in Brooklyn.
I have my accomplishments. But then I stop when it looks like I am going somewhere because I am afraid. I read somewhere that if you are not confident, you're doing a trial run. I'm not going to talk about not having confidence anymore, I just going to have it.
The trial run is over.
I want to say that life is the excuse for the break, but it isn't. Well, it's part of the reason, but it's something bigger. It's confidence. It's all about confidence.
See, I have this dream for myself. I want to be a writer who is about the writing life. Who travels all over, is known in writing circles, and who has torrid love affairs with books and men of her choosing. I want a brownstone in Brooklyn, a house in Long Island and several landing pads in various cities that I adore. I want a MFA in Poetry from the Columbia College of Chicago, to start a family, and to have a media center where I can help other artists realize their dreams.
Most of this is doable. But I lack confidence. I know I have the knowledge, a lot of ambition and a pinch of this thing called talent. And I am wasting it everyday I don't live the writing life. Why don't I live the writing life? Let me tell you.
I'm busy chasing after the wrong things. Like a stable job. Yes, we all need money, but everyday I try for a job that has yet to hire me, I am selling myself short. This job is not even in my field. But I have obligations that hold me back.
Like family. I love my family. Do anything for them. But right now, all I am doing is draining myself dry emotionally, physically, and financially while sweeping their bad habits under the rug. No one can fix something that the person with the problem does not want to fix themselves. The more I realize it, the more I know that I have to really break out on my own. In more way than one.
I also have boys on the brain. My relationship has been in a whirlwind that I needed to pause because it was going in the wrong direction. A separate situation has made me see all things that I still need to work on. Like having the balls to say what I want the way I do in my poems.
Which brings it all back to confidence. Last night, I spent time with my EAT Media team and I told them about having confidence in themselves. They are all great writers and artists. They have talents that need to be seen. But they either lack confidence, ambition, or practice. And I gave them a talking to that a leader should have when she sees that her team is shying away from challenge.
It was a rush. Seeing everyone put everything out on the table and listening to each other...it was one hell of a rush.
I put myself on the chopping block too and my problem is being shy with everything I have. Or in other words, not having confidence.
I need to practice what I preach. I got the total package for the writing world and for the rest of life. Now I just need to be confident and push forward because the lack of confidence stops my progress. And I want my brownstone in Brooklyn.
I have my accomplishments. But then I stop when it looks like I am going somewhere because I am afraid. I read somewhere that if you are not confident, you're doing a trial run. I'm not going to talk about not having confidence anymore, I just going to have it.
The trial run is over.
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