Te dije que mi lengua se retiró. No había una palabra sobre mí.
these uncharted moments
when my heart remembers
when my heart fumes
when my heart builds another wall,
i am ready with a pick to bring it all down.
i'm not ready to stop loving you yet.
When I was busy
writing you into my skin,
I never had to wonder.
Now that you have slipped
away, I need to know:
was I being a writer...
or a woman?
the little girl inside of me always has one constant want: protection. in a perfect world, the foundation of protection starts off with the lion and the tigress defending their liger cub, running off of the pure adrenaline of instinct.
i never had my lion and tigress quiet the parts of me that actually need their protection. they have always protected the shell, but my heart feels like it comes second. they have trampled my heart while being consumed in their own paths, never understanding my soul because they view me through their own downfalls. i often feel invisible when pit against their rain. my heart longs for them to really see me, to hear my soul and to always protect it in a way that actually quiets my soul, but amplifies my voice. i want their faith in my righteousness, not to always believe i will fall on my knees. even as my body grew from girl to woman, i always longed for their instinct to protect. but all i get is the slam down to be quiet as they selfishly did anything for their desires.
as a woman with broken kin, i shouldn't have been surprised when time shifted my role from cub to full grown responsibility in a matter of seconds. i don't want to get into details. i don't want to get into details because if i did, i wouldn't want to hear your judgement. i would have to cut you at the knees because only i can say they were awful. only i can say my soul they spoiled. they may not be perfect, but they are my world. and for this reason, i carry a weight in my heart that rages against the silence that they never say thank you or i'm sorry. being the only one who truly knows them at their worst, but protects them in a way they never protected me weights down on my soul.
if i had one wish, it would be for that silence to be broken. more than anything, i want my heart to come first. but i know because i want it so bad...
Mother, Father...hear my cry.
Christina D. Rodriguez
A Latinx poet and entrepreneur who blogs about poetry, music, writing, and life.
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