Since I am in the middle of the 30/30 challenge, I am going to write a prose poem for my most beautiful thing.
the most beautiful thing in the world is the moment you know. i knew the first time we were in a room together. my eyes kept wandering back to your face. for some unknown reason, i knew you were going to be the unobtainable. you were going to be my missed opportunity, the what if, the if only person in my life. the catch was that i didn't know it at the time. i wasn't prepped for us. it's only after four years, with two years of on the job experience, did i learn what that feeling was whenever i looked at you. it was the moment i knew. i knew that one day, we would move beyond causal acquaintances. i knew one day, there will be a time where we fill each others hours. i knew one day that i would confess and you would make me feel like a fool. you would yo-yo me for two years. i would let you.
there will be a day where you would hold me for way too long. actually there will be two. right after you would deflate me so fast, that i would easily slipped under your feet for you to finish the job. you would say things that would keep me up for hours at a time, even when i was fast asleep. i would see your name in so many places, saw others like you in places i've never seen them before. i found myself subconsciously picking up habits, secrets, and mishaps all because you were always on the back of my mind. but i hated that band. i gagged when i tried your ice cream flavors. i wrote and destroyed ways too many poems because i took heed of your writing advice. i acted like i was sixteen, but it all came to a head just before we turned 25.
on a muggy june night on the steps of our lady of pompei on carmine and bleeker, your fingers steamed along the small of my back. they cautiously slipped in between my thighs before you sharply pulled back with a "I'm sorry," but your fingerprints clung to my hand all the way around the corner where we stood face to face, inches apart, phones ringing off the hook for our whereabouts, and...we could not pull off the most beautiful thing. you denied me of knowing that moment. i only said you were right to shield my pride. i would have risked everything just to know what was behind the build up. but i knew the moment i laid eyes on you that you would be my missed opportunity. you would be my what if, my if only person. you would be a taste of denied fairy tales, earmarked with every cliche in the book. and you would deny me.
so why is this the most beautiful thing? why would the mistakes and blindness of unrequited love be the most beautiful thing to have ever happened? well, i'll let you in on a little secret. the most beautiful thing in the world is the moment you know. when you've been swept under the rug, you know the moment someone dusts you off, that you will not be denied of that moment again. the most beautiful thing is the moment you know someone knows the moment you know. and you'll never deny each other of the most beautiful thing: knowing love.