As a part of my "I am doing it no matter what" attitude, I would like to speak about some of my goals. Not all of the details or the progress, just what they are. They say if you speak it into existence...so let's see how this goes when I do it my way. This is in no particular order.

1. Publish a book by any means necessary.
2. Start a micro-chapbook press that is inclusive to writers on all levels.
3. Write more haiku, a form that I love.
4. Share my work in Instagram, even if it means I am in danger of becoming an "Instagram poet". I just want to share.
5. Work for a non-profit on a professional level (marketing, management, writer, ahh - just look at my resume here).
6. Blog more. About anything.
7. Build websites for artists.
8. Get The Write Movement off the ground and truly start my own non-profit.
9. Travel to places around the country to study writing.
10. Gain more skills in digital media.
11. Learn more about publishing as a whole (maybe take classes or just read a lot, we'll see).
12. Learn about book design.
13. Experiment more with writing.
14. Create a photography project.
15. Start a podcast.
16. Do more graphic design.
17. Help my friends in their creative pursuits.
18. Help the Chicago Writers Association be all that it can be.
19. Volunteer with other literary organizations.
20. Publish some good old fashion journalism. At least once with some publication.
21. Submit to literary stuff when I want to, if I want to.
22. Create an app (I know for what, just not sharing the idea on here - contact me if you are curious).
23. Work for an app again even with the danger of companies closing at anytime (I like working in tech).
24. Be happy, no matter the outcome or the level of support.

Okay, so that last one is harder than it seems. I want support for the things I do and I want to succeed. Who doesn't want that?

But I also want to be able to live with failure. If I fail, at least I tried. Really tried. It's better than just getting up and going to work to pay the bills. I have to do that too, but I want to be able to go to work, then come home and work some more on the things that make me happy. I've done it before, juggling 40+ hours and go to readings, find time to write, design, and more. I've done it and for a while, people saw that. It felt nice.

The difference is that I want to do that and not care who sees. If you recognize my work and want to work with me, great. I am all about collaboration, team work, and hard work. If you don't, then hey, I am still working because it makes a difference somewhere in the world. Keeps me alive.

This list is for me only. Yes, it involves work involving other people, but if it doesn't happen, well...I guess I am only accomplishing some of these goals. I want to share because if you get inspired, let that take you somewhere.

Be inspired.

These aren't resolutions by the way. These are my continuous life goals. Not saying this because it's the beginning of a new year. I am not starting these tomorrow, I am just starting.

Let's see what I can do...

​Till next time,

Hello world,

It's been a while since I've been here. Where I want to write about anything or am willing to. It's been a long, long time.

That's because 2017 has truly been a year of struggle, heartbreak, and disappointments.

My father died on July 9, 2017. The worst day of my life.

Anything else that has happened is so small or almost as important, but not quite like having a parent die.

This is something that changes you forever, depending on your relationship. Our relationship was shaky at times, but for the most part, it was an okay relationship that was cut short because of cancer. And I wasn't around for much of the cancer because I had school and then struggled through life to find full-time work when the opportunity wasn't there at my current job (or used to be current job where I eventually became full-time because I lost that too, due to the company shutting down at the end of November - surprise! almost as important, but still not the worst thing).

I lost time with my father because I had to keep a roof over my head and didn't have enough money to move there or to fly out to see him all the time. I was going through so much to keep afloat that I lost time. Now I am haunted by the urge to pick up the phone and call him, then remembering I can't. I am haunted by a lot of things, including his last days, But let's not get into that.

I will have time to write about all the things I am feeling.

Because other than searching for a new job, I need to do something that is right for me.

I need to write.

I woke up on the last day of the year, skimming through social media quietly as I've done for the past year or so (yes friends, I see you online though I don't do much online for myself anymore. I see you.), and something in me broke.

I am extremely tired of the rules of a writer, playing the game to get recognition. A game I haven't participated in for a year because I just got tired, so tired that I couldn't say I am tired.

I am tired! I used to have a hunger in me. An abandon where I shared my writing and nothing else mattered. The literary magazines, the fellowships, the workshops. None of that mattered to me at all.

I wrote and I shared.

That's how this blog came to life. It was many things before it was The Write Queen. It's even broke off into different parts. But it started with a hunger to share without boundaries.

I need that back. I need to take myself back.

I want the things that other writers want. I want to write for a publication. I want to be published in literary magazines. I want to be published by a press. I want validation. Who doesn't want that?

But sometimes, validation isn't worth the decline of yourself.

​Validation isn't worth the decline of yourself. Validation isn't worth the decline of your art. Validation isn't worth the decline of your life.

YET part of my education and slowly building career involves giving other people validation. Because I love the arts. I love writing. I love being a part of the foundation. I want people to have the tools they need to be seen as a valid piece in the arts world. I believe that if you want yourself out there in the world, you have to have a place to do it. You need to have the tools. 

It has to be for the right reasons. Not because this is the way things are. Not because the arts can also be a business so you must treat it as such. The only thing that matters is that you put yourself out there in the world because you love what you do. Yeah, we want quality. We want craft and talent. But are those the only valid traits for art?

No. I've seen art in all forms whether it's good or not. But it's out there because people believe it should be. The artist believed it should be. It's the hunger of wanting your art in the world. Not caring about the rules or the traditional route.

I've drowned myself in trying to get in traditionally. I've learned that I am nothing special, that my work isn't the best. I am not the best writer. Not the best poet. Hell, I am terrified to perform on a stage and because I sound terrified and I stutter, my work isn't seen for what it is. I am not good enough for some workshops. I am good enough for other workshops, but still won't get in. My writing is too similar to someone who got published the issue before so they won't publish me. I know editors and that still doesn't get me published. I am not as good as some of my friends and people in the writing community treat me as such. I am a tag-a-long. Not the strongest member of a group. Doesn't matter if I came up with the ideas that set the foundation. I am not the superstar, so anything I do is invalid. I think too big, too abstract, too much and people don't get me.

I am sometimes the weakest link. Sometimes I am no one and everyone passes me by. Sometimes I am abandoned despite being the best friend to someone. Sometimes I have an opinion and because I put up with a lot of crap that I don't speak up for, I am seen as someone who has an attitude. I yes people to death. I hold a lot of hands and soothe a lot of tears. I have been treated badly and don't tell that person that they have done something to hurt me, but the minute I disagree with them or tell them that they have treated me badly, I get shitted on like I am the worst person. Sometimes I am accountable and sometimes I can't be because people are being petty for no reason before I can process. I have to be a friend based on that friend's emotional landscape and nothing more because apparently I don't count unless I am someone's friend their way. Same thing with family. This happens because I am a quiet person who is too good to people and not good enough to herself. Who has become fed up along the way and admittedly can be stubborn when she finally shows she is fed up. But that doesn't mean I am wrong. 

But none of this matters to me anymore. My dad died this year and none of this matters. I want my writing to matter. I want my life to matter, but I can't do it this way anymore because none of this is the most important part.

I never thought that my dad could live forever. No one does. And that is scary. But when someone that close dies. you realize that all the stuff you hold on to doesn't matter.

If I want to write, I will write. If I want to to submit it, I will submit it. If I have support, I have support. If I don't, it's okay because no matter how woke you are or say certain things, communities still act like it's a popularity contest. I no longer wish to be popular. I no longer wish for validation. I haven't made the moves to self-publish because I still want a press to validate me. Well, if a press sees my work, if an editor sees my work out there in the world and likes it, contact me because unless I choose to put myself through the traditional process, this is the only way I want it. Reach out to me. My time is valuable and I am making it MY time. As the great Maxine Waters says, RECLAIMING MY TIME!

I am a good person, a good friend. I will do anything for you, but only if you know how to be a friend. I will no longer chase certain friendships or validate bad behavior. I will no longer let that interfere with my creative life. I know who my true friends are and I accept that we will both make mistakes. But if you can't talk it out and listen to me when I say you are hurting me and then turn it around on me like I am doing all the things I am saying you are doing to me when I haven't or I have and rectified a situation that you can't let go or admit your part in, then we no longer have a friendship. If you don't take the time to reach out or only reach out to me when things are good in my life, then bye, I don't need you in my life. If your ego is worth more than my feelings, then I hope your ego is a better friend. I will no longer be crapped on. I apologize when I do something wrong, not because you can't admit you are wrong or have blown something out of portion and the only way for things to calm down is for me to apologize for something I don't have to apologize for or that my feelings don't count. If you can't talk it out, get out. If we can't respect each other's time for talking things out, then go on with your timetable because FRIENDSHIP IS A TWO WAY STREET WHERE WE HAVE TO RESPECT EACH OTHER. If I didn't talk it out fast enough for you because only your feelings count, then I guess that's what it is. You don't get to decide when it's on or off because you can't handle your feelings. If you can't be on a two way street with me, then you can go on your one way and hope you don't meet a dead end.

If you don't see me as a flawed person, as a good person, as a person who has given you so much in a friendship, maybe too much where she should value herself more, if you can only see bad because your ego is more important than seeing that people make mistakes or that misunderstandings happen on both sides, then it's not a true friendship. Friendship is not only your way.

If I am seen a certain way for saying this, then so be it. My tribe knows who I am so they don't see this as a certain way. If anything, they are hoping that I keep this up because I am a lot of good things in this world and I let so much get me down.

It's a waste. We could die tomorrow and all of this is a waste of valuable time.

Standing up for myself in whatever way I choose doesn't mean that I don't see the issues I do have or that I don't apologize for wrongdoings. If I am wrong, I am wrong and I am sorry. If we have differing opinions, let's get to a compromise or agree to disagree. But that doesn't mean that I have to put up with certain treatment. Not anymore. I wish no ill will towards anyone. I wish you all the success in the world. I still love you and for some, still want you in my life. But that doesn't mean that I have to support toxic friendships, uneven friendships. I am tired of the physical ill this causes in my life. I am tired of losing my hair. I am tired of sitting alone because people decided their egos are worth more than true friendship and they make decisions before looking at the whole picture. I know what true friendship is and it isn't all of this. I've talked it out many times with people and other people let me know that it isn't all on me. So this isn't me crying a woe is me tune and I am really an evil bitch. I've been told that other people are being unreasonable. Sometimes I choose shitty friends. Or I choose emotionally stunted friends. Or I choose people who see that I will be their cheerleader and their ego wants a yes friend, not a real friend.

These are the things that have be plaguing me for over a year. This is why I've been quiet. This is why I've been killing myself slowly. I don't talk about it and this is dangerous. There's so much I have to work out and I have to start telling people that they haven't held up their end of the bargain. That they hurt me so I grew so quiet to avoid more conflict. This isn't healthy. I have to value myself more. I have to stand up for myself. Sometimes I even need to yell.

I need to write. I need to achieve some goals. I have to fulfill my ideas. I have to fail and be messy. I have to feel these things. I have to continue speaking even when the world feels like its collapsing. I need to be cliche and original. I need to live.

My dad would want me to push through. Even when we didn't see eye-to-eye, even when we fought about the way I did things because he had a certain view, he let me do it anyway. He would want me to stand up for myself, even if it burned down my life.

So this is the start, this messy blog post that I have been writing for over an hour. I am writing and it feels good, even if it isn't good, even if it causes problems. This feels good. This is where healing starts. This is where more trouble starts.

I no longer seek validation from the outside. I am starting from inside and if it validates me, then I have overcome half the battle.

I am writing and I am writing for me. I am becoming my own best friend, not out of poor friendships, but because this is where it starts anyway.  It all starts within.

Till next time,

Hello Write Queeners,

You never realize what you have done until you tell someone else or someone else tells the world. This morning, while getting to work on time for the first time in a while, I was checking my messages when my darling soulmate Annette messages me. She informs me that Caits, the amazing leader of the Digging Deep, Facing Self course and the #GrowFierce movement (yes, I will call it a movement) has sent out a newsletter recapping DDFS first year(this is a link..click it!). I open my e-mail and was kind of blown away. 

Why? Because of this:

I almost forgot about the e-mail I answered about what we've been up to. I'm not even sure if this is everything! So much has happened to me in all aspects of my life in the past year. DDFS has been a shining star in my life and a huge driving force. Finding a community that helps you grow and pushes you to be the best you can be can do wonders. I hope I can do that with EAT Media one day (working on it!).

So after reading the newsletter and realizing that I have also participated in most of the DDFS events and opportunities in New York and online, I did the following:

• A happy dance in my work chair.
• Messaged my soulmate (who I met through the course by the way) and pow-wowed in happiness.
• Cried happy tears (and stopped because I am at work).
• Opened up my blog to write about this.

Sometimes you have to stop and say Go Me. I'm constantly reminding myself to celebrate accomplishments because as you know if you are a writer, you're biggest critic is you.

Now before I go, I am going to take a moment to show you two more things:

My readers! Do you have any accomplishments you would like to share? We can do happy dances together!

Time to go loves, till next time!

Hello Write Queeners!

Sometimes we run into the things we need to hear the most when we least expect it.

This evening, I went to a happy hour for the younger crowd of my corporate job. I knew almost no one from the group and quietly observed and listened for most of the evening. As the group got smaller, I did get to hear some pretty awesome stories about how some of them got to the current point of their career, but when it was my turn, I was definitely the odd one out: a writer from a struggling Latino household who has had to sacrifice so much for survival and is barely able to pursue her dreams as she should, working in the insurance industry because they were hiring - not because she planned on being there like most of the people that surrounded her at the moment.

While I made new acquaintances, I felt lonelier than I did before I went. Everyone parted ways and before I knew it, I was at home (one of my homes - I switch between my parents depending on who needs me around at the moment while I make some decisions). I went on Facebook like the good ol' social media junkie that I am when I noticed a link that my friend Annette shared.

It was the link to the online premiere of a short film called Stereotypically Me. I trust Annette's Facebook shares so I decided to check it.

"Stereotypically Me" is a film written, directed, and produced by Linda Nieves Powell. According to the event page, which was brought to audiences by Sofrito Media Group: Lydia, a struggling screenwriter, is pressured to get rid of her stereotypical muse Marisol in order to become a more successful writer. Marisol, a sassy, urban Latina, refuses to change. Lydia must decide whether to embrace her duality or kill the muse. Go ahead and check it out before you read the rest of what I have to say.

In this almost ten minute film, Linda shows the world what every writer of any cultural background goes through.

As I fine tune myself as a writer, I find myself contemplating the same sacrifices or break ups. This is something that I relate to not only through ethnic culture, but through genre, age, sex, and medium.

We write about what we know, but "successful writers" must go beyond that and write about things that make others feel comfortable in order to get their foot in the door. We have to decompose and detach what is natural to us, even if the story is not true to ourselves to maybe achieve greater success.

I have received many rejections. If only they were as blunt as the one in the film because I am constantly wondering what I need to change in order to be successful. Do I move away from what I typically write poems about? Do I change my writing style to match more closely with well-known poets? Do I change my niche for blogging or even my medium for art? Do I disassociate myself from experiences we don't see on paper often? What do I cut out? Who should I be?

I am still trying to figure out what to embrace and what to change or if I should change anything at all. Do I get rid of all of my Marisols or do I let my Lydia and Marisol fight the good fight together so I can become a successful writer on my terms and leave the rat race (and avoid disheartening happy hours)?

I have a lot to think about.

Sigh...you know something is good when it creates a dialogue not only with yourself but with the community at large. Share this video, share your thoughts. Let's tell the world our stories because one day the color of the world will be US!

Definitely a Write Recommendation!

The event page will be up for the next 90 days here.

On a cozy, snowy Saturday afternoon, I had the privilege of gathering with some of the very special women who make up the building legacy of Digging Deep, Facing Self. In between getting to know each other and writing poems together, we came together to let the world know why the experience of taking the Digging Deep, Facing Self course with Caits Meissner is magical.

For me, it was about finding a community of women and writers. It was also a push to consistently write, despite circumstances. If you need more convincing about why you should take this course, just watch the video.

Hello My Write Queeners,

The first week of December is filled with many poetry treats! First up is a feature on The Body Narratives. In collaboration with The Digging Deep, Facing Self course, The Body Narratives presents a week filled with poetry from incredible women. I was asked to be a part of this wonderful week. I am extremely honored and I am having a mini dance party in my head all day to celebrate my post, which came out today, December 4. 

In addition to that, I am performing as one of the featured acts for the River of Honey's cabaret showcase on Friday, December 6th. This show happens every first Friday of the month. The theme for their last show of the year is Offerings. This is definitely going to be a new exciting, but scary experience. Come out and support the show if you can!

Finally, I have another mini e-book for you...and I mean mini! When You Down A Margarita is a series of haiku (about 24 in total, I think.) about my experience of falling for a woman during college (If you didn't know this about me, now you know. If you got a problem, you know what to do - we don't tolerate any intolerance here!). 

I previously published this on Smashwords, but now with my Creative Book Builder app, I wanted to give it a little facelift. To download it, head over to my "Store" page.

That's it for now my loves. I have a couple of blog posts coming up soon. Be on the look out!

This is the most recent anthology I was published in...five poems! A little section just for me! I feel so blessed. I finally received my copy of the book after someone I know kept it hostage from me. Though there is a reason for that if you glance at the next picture.

My lovely boyfriend decided that I should receive a little praise along with the book. I nearly cried on the train when I found the card and read it. Look at it...there's even a typewriter on the front of the card! This almost was better than the book (almost...very few things beat publishing). Even though it's just my boyfriend, this kind of acknowledgement makes me feel like I am doing something right. Also makes me feel downright special.

The first anthology was a challenge for me. It was a theme-based contest. Writing my piece brought me back to my experimental days. It was also the first longer piece that has been published in an anthology. The fact that Lady Chaos Press has given me the opportunity to do this twice is a blessing. It's amazing to know that people have the opportunity to be exposed to my work when they purchase these books. Thank you so much Lady Chaos Press! Check out the press my loves.

In between all of that, I took an online writing course over the summer. The class put together this amazing and powerful e-book anthology, available for free. I have two pieces in it, one being very special to me. But I'll just let you read about it if you click on this awesome lady's name: Caits Meissner. This also gives you a chance to explore the blog if you are a first time reader (or one who needs to catch up!).

Even my best friend threw me and these ladies some praise on his site, NerosisMuse.com. I was so touched when I saw that post. Once again, it was my best friend, but knowing that my crew was paying attention shows that bring brave and making moves to improve and showcase my writing is the path I need to be on now. 

It's one thing to work hard. It's another to gain some accomplishments. Knowing that you have people behind you and willing to tell the world or go out of their way to give you a bit of praise is a warm glowing feeling I can't describe (which means I must work harder because a writer should be able to!). Don't fuss when they want to, just let them. It's okay to be celebrated.

Most importantly, take the time to acknowledge and celebrate yourself. It's okay to give yourself praise once in a blue. You work hard. When you have something to show for it, darn right you better have a mini dance party and say YAY! 

So now it's time for us to have a mini dance party!

YAY!

I hope to be able to have more mini dance parties soon. 

Take care my lovely readers! Celebrate yourselves!



P.S. I have an official mailing list now. Don't forget to subscribe here to get updates from the blog and more!

Also, don't forget to check out my fundraiser for publishing my own books. Every little bit counts! Even just sharing so please pass this along to all of your friends.

Hello my lovely Write Queeners,


We all have something (or someone) that we greatly admire as writers. 

That dream publication that we want to see our writing in because we are enamored with every piece we read in there. 

Or that writer who seems like they take the words out of our mouths and spins the reality of life into perfection. 

We all have those things/people that we place on a pedestal.

As a writer, I know what most of my aimed achievements are: I want to work for this literary magazine, I want to be published on this site, I want my manuscripts to be picked up by this certain press. Through the power of positive thinking, I imagine and almost feel like that I am doing these things already.

So when these places or people reject me, the sting is greater.

The more you want something, the higher you elevate it to a level so great that everyone is afraid of the fall. Pedestals are pretty, but you will scrape your knees.

I have been trying to get my chapbook manuscripts in presses that I admire and adore. A place I would be proud to call home for my books. 

I would be hopeful and confident about my submissions in the beginning. As time would pass, my confidence would shrink a little, but I would still be good. Until I received that e-mail. That hardly personal e-mail that thanks me for my submission, but they have chosen another manuscript. The worst ones are the e-mails announcing the winning chapbooks and finalists, but barely acknowledge the fact that you submitted at all. Guess the losers are supposed to just take the hint.

And that sting? Those scraped knees? 
Bloodshot red like your eyes after crying for hours. 

What shocks me the most is the bitterness that stays. 

I guess since it's easier to hate (sometimes) than it is to continue to love, I tend to shy away from places/people that have rejected me for while. While I lick my wounds.

In my head, which is always a better practice than actually doing it in a public forum, I will bad mouth these publications or people. Most of the time, I don't know why my manuscript wasn't strong enough, why my résumé was disregarded. Editors hardly have the time to say why. This is one thing that I wish was different. If they were required to give feedback, then I would know what's wrong (sooner) and be able to fix it, instead of wasting time on anger and the bitterness of rejection.

If you tell me what I'm doing wrong, I will take it into consideration so I can build a stronger piece! Editors, I wish you had that mercy on us poor writers sometimes. No one likes being rejected. I know this is going to happen from time to time, but still. How am I suppose to improve?

Here's a little secret: 

Writers take courses, workshops, go to conferences and writing groups. All of 
this is beneficial to our writing. But what should be incorporated more is feedback from editors.

Editors are the ones that we are trying to build relationships with. Editors are the key to getting publish. We study their publications and try to figure out if they would like us. We take chances and then feel confused when we deliver a piece that seems perfect for their taste, but then fails to deliver. 

I personally feel betrayed in a weird way. I feel like I invested so much time in a particular scenario for it to end up in failure. I don't want to be angry at myself so I take it out on a publication and editor who won't let me in on the secret.

My most reoccurring fault that I throw out there is that maybe they are pretentious. Maybe if it doesn't reek of the shadows of Whitman, Eliot, or Plath, that it's not poetry. 

Or I might say, "Oh they want the stereotype poet, you know the ones that speak in exclusively in metaphors and talks about the struggle and the beauty."

Occasionally, my thoughts even get a little racist, sexist, almost -ist there is. I think of every possible reason I could think of. This is all within a course of a hour after reading a rejection e-mail or at some point during the day. 

It's a vicious cycle. Because eventually you start to blame yourself. You think that your writing stinks and that you should quit while you're ahead, while you still have half a heart. 

This doesn't work either. Any writer with an ounce of passion will not stop writing. However, we will always be left with questions inside of our head. Getting feedback from other writers or workshops helps, but we will never get inside that editor's head. 

Recently, I have decided to go the self publishing route for my manuscripts (more on that this week), but I am taking my time because they are still under consideration at a couple of presses and contests. Yesterday morning, I got another rejection. Even though I have decided to take fate into my own hands, it still hurts when you get that "Sorry, but..." e-mail.

How does one get over this kind of rejection? How do you recover from the fall?

Well, these are just my methods. If it can help someone else, then some of this is worth it:

• Breathe - Don't forget to breathe. It hurts. I know it does. But take a deep breath and remember, it's not the end of the world (yes, cliche, but true).
• Allow yourself to feel it - it's okay to feel sad, angry, or hurt. Rejection isn't a good thing. Don't wallow in it though. Just take a little time and in your head, feel it and be angry, shout. Say how dare they! No one expects you to take rejection without feeling something.
• Do not vent in a public forum - it makes you seem like a sore loser. And if you are networking correctly, you may be connected to presses and zines via your social networks already who might see this and may not want to work with you. We all understand the struggle, but calling out individuals is not nice. They have their reasons and maybe in the future, another piece could be published by them. 
• Talk to someone - someone who really understands your writing or at least your passion for it. Getting feedback on a situation always helps. Sometimes, these ears will also be mouthpieces as to why you are great. Let them tell you and reinforce it. Your writing soul has a boo boo and it needs soothing.
• Go ahead, get some ice cream - it's okay to do something for comfort. As long as you are not putting yourself at risk or in debt, it's okay to get that ice cream cone.
• Get back to work - Go and edit that piece or start a new project. Do not wallow in the sadness of rejection. Let's get corny and say that you need to get back on the horse and try, try again! Use this as a motivation to become a stronger writer.

These little things help me and other writers I know, but it's different for everyone. You have to find the positive methods that work for you.

It hurts to fall off the the pedestal. Rejection is not pretty, but it is necessary. If we never got rejected, we would never find the right fit that could be waiting for us with the next submission or job some place else. Feel your rejection, comfort yourself, then move on. That's all any writer can do.

Oddly, writing about this has made my rejection sting a little less (See? Getting back to work helps!). We need to talk about these things so that the next generation of writers know that they are not alone on their journey. 

That's probably one of my biggest problems with being a writer. As I try to learn and grow, I find myself having to search long and hard for peers and mentors that I can connect with so that I know my experiences are normal and common. Writers can be such solitary creatures sometimes! But that can be for another post for another day.

Until next time my Writer Queeners, take care and keep grinding!

the act of poetry. the pulse of melodies blown under my fingertips. the beloved's seconds of veraciousness wrapped in kisses shot directly into jarred skin. the husband's unrelenting pilgrimage to remain in hesitant veins. flipping through poured pages that break me into pieces and make me struggle for my next breath. the struggle between scratching of the pen and the breakthrough of rattling syllables. being in a constant state of creation. pillows that allow my head to sink lower than the horizon. bursts of autumn air while looking at sunshine filtered through clouds. steaming mugs of chai tainted with vanilla and memory. the extinct stories of my family tree swinging longing into a knot of the debilitating mind of my grandmother. the laughter of womanhood honeycombed for and against me. meshing the edges of my tongue with the decadence of future decay. the creak of a door opening inside of my head. the silent continuous shift of this cognizance sitting in my skin infinitely.

This is what comes out when connecting with others on Facebook and commenting on statuses. Even I am a little surprise of this answer. For now, I will leave this as it is. But I want to play with this in the future. If only time would allow me to really dig deep into some of my writing these days.