When It Starts Snowing

This is the process that goes through my head when it starts snowing:

Oh my GOD! It's snowing. I have sneakers on. If this turns into a blizzard, I die. I will absolutely die. Okay, calm down. You're going to the supermarket. It's 2 and a half blocks away. It will be okay. I'm sure it won't get heavier. It better not get heavier. Not while I am out here. Better not.

Walks at a moderate pace to the supermarket, already looking for patches of ice.

At the supermarket:

Okay, so let's hurry this up because it's snowing. I don't need much. Maybe some almond milk and some ice cream. Hmm ice cream, maybe if the ice from snow was ice cream, I wouldn't mind busting my ass in the snow. Snow should be ice cream. Oh yay! They have Peppermint Wonderland ice cream. I hope it's not a snowy wonderland by the time I finish. Maybe I should get more stuff. It would be great if it snowed enough for work to be closed. I don't think I am that lucky though. They would want us to come in, even with ten feet of snow on the ground. I know I wouldn't make it to work. The way they don't shovel around here, I would die from just walking down my driveway. Forget about the rest of the block. If I was a cat, all of my lives would be done. Okay, is Dad ready yet? I want to get back in the house. I knew I should have put on my boots. Not that they are magic boots and will stop me from falling, but I should be least likely to fall with them on versus sneakers. Okay, about to check out. Yay, the ice cream was 3.34. That's really cheap for special edition ice cream.

Steps out of the supermarket.

OH MY GOD IT'S HEAVIER! Okay okay, we can do this. Just two and a half blocks...NO DAD I AM NOT GOING WITH YOU TO THE CORNER STORE ON CORONA SO YOU CAN GET YOUR CIGARS. Just give me the bags. Argh, what does he think? That I am going to go an extra three blocks with him so he can give himself lung cancer, while I'm wearing sneakers IN THE SNOW. Nope, not me. I am not the one. Okay so I can do this. Just take your time Chris. Take your time.

A block and a half into the journey, while looking at the accumulations in the cracks of the sidewalk.

Oh lordy just take me now! These bags are heavy and I feel like I am walking so slow that I'm going nowhere. I shall stop right here and let the snow overtake me. I have food with me. I'll just eat this raw meat that we just acquired and let it sustain me until rescue comes. Dad is bound to notice that I didn't make it home. But what if it gets worst in the next ten minutes? They may not be able to find me. Just keep going. Keep walking. OMG now this car might run me over because I am not crossing fast enough. Ugh, what did we buy? My ice cream isn't THIS heavy. Okay I am almost home. I wonder if Dad got to the store yet. I hate those damn cigars he smokes. Wish they would die in the snow. Let's cross this street carefully. I think all is clear. OMG why does that part of the sidewalk look icy already?! Okay you are just a few houses away. Wow Mr. Chinese Food Delivery guy on that rickety ass bike, how do you live so dangerously? Your ass and all of that food can slip on the ice on that thing. Though if you fell right now in front of me, I wouldn't mind a free eggroll.

Stops at driveway and takes in the falling snow seen through the street lights.

You're so pretty you evil little ice balls. I wonder where...oh there he is. Thank God because I wasn't going to attempt the basement steps with all of these bags in my hand. He needs to walk a little faster though. Not too fast because if he falls down the block, it's going take me five minutes to walk 30 feet with this damn snow falling. Okay, two bags for you. I really hate that we get puddles along here. This is definitely going to turn into ice by morning and it's going to take me 10 minutes to walk down the driveway. Alright, take it easy now. These steps aren't slippery yet, but just go down a step at a time. Both feet. You got it. You're almost there. Oops, almost! No, you're okay. OMG I AM HOME AND I MADE IT DOWN THE STEPS. Hurry up with the keys Dad. I want to get inside. Okay yes!!! Survival.

Kicks off sneakers and puts down the bags. Continues to walk straight to the room.

Dad: Chris, where are you going? Aren't you going to help unpack?
Me: I'm going to go have a heart attack now. Maybe later.



Welcome to the beginning of snow season!